Women are liars. Yes. They are. Women will lie to your face. Women will lie behind your back. Most of all, women will lie to themselves. You may wonder why I am calling women liars, especially since I am woman. Am I calling myself a liar? Yes. At times I have been a liar too. Lies are often the cause of pain and sorrow for so many women. When we think about lies being told, we often think about that little lie you told your husband about the price of those new shoes you’re wearing or what really happened to his favorite t-shirt with the hole in it. Yes those are lies. And you may say a lie is a lie. However, some lies have more serious consequences and lasting effects.

Lies about how we feel about someone or what really makes us happy affect our mental and physical being. Living with long-term lies can cause physical and mental illness. Sometimes it is not easy to tell someone who you love (or purportedly love) how you really feel. As women, we are nurturing by nature. In is innate for us to want to care for and take care of others, often at the expense of our own self interests and well-being. We are conditioned to smile when we are angry, to laugh instead of cry, and to be silent when we should speak. Of course there are times when it may seem best to not act in anger, not express our disappointment or remain silent on a matter. The problem comes when we do this on a continuous basis. Some of us have done this for so long, that we now believe our own lies. We tell ourselves we are happy when we clearly are not. Women tend to do this in their intimate relationships all the time. I am sure some of you know exactly what I am talking about. He stays out late. Sometimes he doesn’t come home. You pretend to not notice. He’s not romantic. He’s not thoughtful. You say he’s stressed at work. There are a number of things that has happened that has left you feeling neglected and unappreciated. But instead of confronting him, you smile, say you understand all of his excuses and never tell him how his behavior makes you feel. You ultimately decide that how you feel is less important than making sure he is happy and is free to go on living his life as he so chooses. You lie to your family and friends about how you feel and have a treasure trove of ready excuses for his behavior. The person who you are really hurting by covering up how you feel with lies, is you.

Women are also great at creating fantasy. We tell ourselves that something is when it isn’t. We can turn a frog into a prince, a monster into a man and a bitch becomes our bestie. Then one day a reality that we cannot deny hits us in the face and we feel betrayed and lied to. Discovering your best friend has betrayed you or your man has lied to you is not without a doubt hurtful. What hurts even more is the reality that you lied to yourself because quite often, that person never lied about who he/she was. You chose to be in denial about that person. These are called lies in plain sight.

Another thing is women often put their own dreams and desires on hold for the sake of others. These others are our spouses/significant others, our parents and our children. As I said before, women are natural caretakers. We spend a lot of our lives trying to be what everyone else needs us to be. We sometimes choose our careers, our friends, our mates and even our clothes based on what others will think of us. That is not always such a good thing. So often it leads us to living a life that is not our own. Some of us manage to become financially or socially successful as a result and some of us become under achievers as a result. Why do you think there are women who are financially well-off, yet suffer from loneliness and depression? Why do you think some young women are out here publicly disgracing themselves on social media and having children at such a young age?  Perhaps that woman would have traded her six figure income to have become an artist instead of a banker. Perhaps that young woman would have wanted to go to college and become a banker but she was discouraged by her family and friends. It is natural to say you have accepted something when you have settled. Most people do not like to admit that they are not always making their own choices, whether they are good or bad.

As much as we don’t want to hurt others, hurting ourselves helps no one. Women who have an overall sense of unhappiness suffer from chronic illnesses such as depression and anxiety and African-American women often go untreated for these conditions. As we live with these lies, we create an imbalance within our bodies and upset the natural harmony between our bodily systems. These lies help open up a pathway for diseases such as cancer. When we cannot care for ourselves, despite all of our good intentions, we do not effectively care for others. As women, we have to live our lives more truthfully. Women today have more opportunities than ever yet we so often choose to still live a lie.